I borrowed the book of short novels "Yukinuma and around there". I read it and thought that I want to write my novels like this. Some of the great arts make us that we can do like this, I guess. Like unioning the band like the Beatles or the Blue Hearts. Or like buying their globe by adoring Ichiro or Tsuyoshi Shinjo. I took books from my bookshelf. "Japanese short novels great collection" edited by Kyojin Ohnishi and "Palm of the Hand Stories" by Yasunari Kawabata. If I have time, I want to read them and write "my" short stories.
Once I wanted to be a pro writer and wrote my novel except my work and private life. But I tried to write longer and couldn't because I couldn't keep concentration and stamina. Maybe I am an autistic person so I don't have the vitality to keep on writing longer. So the long novel I had written for the first time became a terrible one, and a friend said "You're not the person who fit long novels, stop it". Short novels, or "Hand stories" are the novels I might be able to write. Or this journal is also fitted me so I might be able to keep on writing.
And I am now standing on another point of view about writing novels. "At first, I must keep my real life", I think like this now. To be specific, I must get a healthy body. Walk, eat, sleep. And also I have to build the basis of my real life. I have my job so I should work, learn, and read. That kind of firm basis makes me write the inspiration which suddenly falls on me. Firm preparation can realize the miracle which happens inside me...Maybe.
I can't write long novels like Natsuhiko Kyogoku. That is the limit of me so I should accept it. That's my specific. Some writers kept on writing short stories and achieved to build themself as masters. For example, Raymond Carver is such a writer. I have to throw away the ideal I can't realize, and in the limit of myself, I have to try realizing my talent. That is the clue that brings me happiness. I am not Haruki Murakami and Paul Auster. I can't write such well-made novels. That's my life. Why don't I read Jhumpa Lahiri's short stories "Interpreter of Maladies"?