I write my journal in Japanese and English. In other words, I make two versions. A person asked me why I do such a thing. I can't answer. This has been one of my everyday habits. I enjoy writing in Japanese and English. At first, I write the Japanese version (this version might be the English version's "draft"). Then, I translate my Janapese journal into English.
By the way, I am reading Yoshio Kataoka's masterpiece "Outside of Japanese". Kataoka says in this book that Japanese is the language that depends on various situations or the listeners (the person you are talking to). Or I should say that Japanese is the language that depends on "relationships". Who is "I" and who is "the other". The relationship I and the other make have controlled the Japanese.
If this logic (or the theory) is correct, then this means I can't be a good Japanese speaker. Because I treat this myself and the opinions which come from there as precious things. Or I should say I am a very "opinion-oriented" person. Japanese people may say I'm egoistic and selfish. For me, they are very "colorful" people. They can make lies and paint themselves the color which the relationship requires.
I once said I have never been in love. Or, I should say I've never loved Japanese girls. Of course, I met various women. I even loved three women. Were they special? Yes, exactly. They are "un-Japanese" people. They had their strong opinions and characters, therefore they were unique and attractive.
Keeping on loving might require controlling the atmosphere I and the loved person make. Then, we should "read the lines". This is one of the difficult (or impossible) things for autistic people. So, I might have to fall in love... in a very strange, or unique way. But how?