I feel no good. My emotional engine doesn't work. Because of the typhoon? I feel blue and think about what I have achieved in this life. I have never written great novels. I also couldn't build my house as my father did. And I have no kids. But I have educated myself. I have lived with this creepy myself and brought... Once I had committed suicide but survived. That has the value to be proud of? I have lived until now, here.
Yes, my life is quite different from the successful man's life. Or I should say it has been the loser's one. A poor, no great life which has no memories of love... But including these kinds of bitter memories, this life has been a gift for me, and also a quota for me... Through this life, I could build myself like this. One day I will die so this struggle might be the waste of time. But I couldn't live another way. I have lived this way until now. That's enough I think.
I'm reading a paperback "Room To Dream" which is a biography of David Lynch, an American movie director. I like his movies. It's written in English (I wanted to read it before translated version in Japanese would release). TBH I have read paperbacks generally at once. So if I read this book, it would become a memorial one. Lynch's part and editor's part, both are easy to read for me as an English learner. When will the next movie or drama by Lynch be broadcast?
Reading the paperback, I think that I had wished this life, which is the one I could read books freely. A person said if we become a business person we wouldn't be able to spend our free time doing our favorite activities. If so, that became very terrible. So I feel strange about this life. Joining my company, Sinking deeply into Lynch's drama "Twin Peaks", Thinking about the expression in English because I was praised by my friends as the journal is wonderful. I didn't make tactics to be this. Everything was by chance. I wouldn't make any plans. Living my life and meeting various things, and enjoying them. It was never for the preparation for our future. But what is chance? Oh, what a wonderful life!
