I've read "Norwegian Wood", therefore I started having an interest in Haruki Murakami's novels. So I have borrowed his epoch-making novel "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" at a library to read again. Today was a day off so I had thought I wanted to watch any movie, but I couldn't watch one and just read this novel and that's all. "The Wind-Up chronicle" is a novel that has very smooth storytelling, which is like a drama (on Netflix or somewhere). Just like a nightmare... It can be a rival of David Lynch's produced "Twin Peaks". The story has its dynamic waves.
When had I read this "The Wind-Up Chronicle" for the first time? I remembered that I had any period when I had waited for the day Haruki would release his novels. Yes, I used to go to a bookstore to buy when Haruki had released his novels...(even now, I buy his books with complaints). I used to wait for the future I couldn't see with reading Haruki and Paul Auster. I couldn't see the future, even tomorrow... I had days which I thought I had a talent and could do everything. But in reality, I had joined the company I had been working with heartbreaking.
When I had enough reading "The Wind-Up Chronicle", I read "The art of the movies by Michael Haneke". To be honest, Michael Haneke was not a director who was my favorites. But nowadays I have an interest in him because I watched his movies as "Happy End" and "The Time Of The Wolf". Haruki and Haneke are the same types of creators? They have rich imaginations and keen sensitivity for violent things(Haneke, Haruki, and David Lynch who is also my favorite director can be connected in my mind).
Once I had a huge ambition. I wanted to be an alpha blogger or a best-seller writer. But nowadays the stage of my desires has fallen down. Reading my favorite writers as Haruki and watching my favorite director as Haneke and Lynch. These might be enough for me... I think. And also I can write freely in this journal like this. This means happiness for me... But in my mind, there is something for me as unsatisfied. I also feel solitude. I want to think about it and don't want to avoid it. And as Yoshimichi Nakajima said, I want to accept this problem completely. This empty life is "correct" for me.