I've watched Richard Linklater's movie "Everybody Wants Some!!". In this movie, a person who still plays baseball with college students even if he is over 30 years old. Maybe because he wants to enjoy college life more. Finally, he has to get out of college but I can't dislike this person. Youth days have some kind of magical charm that makes people stay there I think. But people can't stay there forever. Me too. We have to get older and be adults.
But... How are becoming adults? Could I get an adult at last? I like reading books since I was a child so keep on reading, and I listen to music so spend my days listening... I won't say complaints what from staying single and not having a wife or kids because I choose that way to live... However, I can't feel the feeling of becoming an adult at last. Becoming an adult is not the concept I have to think by my head but throwing myself into society and doing what I should do. I have to throw myself into the processes of works or private times actually, by using my existence itself.
Oh, once I just said complaints too much... About society or myself... Just said them. I had complaints to my company because they just give me this kind of "shit job". I also had complaints to myself because I can't work and live without this job. Then, I should quit my job. That must be another, better way to live. But I couldn't quit or change this situation so I only said complaints. Now, I can live with a calm mind and don't say complaints. I might be weak, but weak people can do unique things. "The special roles which weak people act gives people the uniqueness" (Eric Hoffer).
I work, I watch, and I read. Days go by with this repetition. Does this repetition have any meaning? I don't have a desire to become a pro critic. I can't see the reason why I write this journal. Probably, to live is to throw me into the real and taste every moment. I have to throw myself into dangerous, therefore thrilling reality. Once a person said I could live with welfare or "parasite" my parents. Yes, that was a clever way to live but I don't choose that way. I can't see why. I live the way I can feel a certain comfort.